Are you too much?

I hate this picture but I had to post it. I very much dislike full body pictures of myself. It shows all of me. My belly, my extra skin, my extra chins. I almost deleted all the pics he took. BUT I didn't.

I have always felt like I take up too much space. I have a big body, a big personality, big heart and big ideas. I have always hated how BIG I was. I wanted a smaller body. I wanted a smaller, more socially acceptable personality. A more closed off and safe heart that didn't let everyone in and then get hurt. I wanted to have do-able ideas that were not out of my financial possibilities or my capabilities meaning I could not achieve them.

Well ENOUGH! I AM a big body. I AM a big personality. I AM a big heart and I will ALWAYS have big ideas.

I am done with feeling like my body is too big. Done with being embarrassed due to too much skin from so much weight loss, frustrated by too many chins that I spent 26 tries to get a selfie I am happy with,irritated by too much belly on top of being tall meaning that clothes don't fit right and I always feel like I look huge.

Enough!

My body has given me the two best boys, now men, in the world. It has survived 8 surgeries which included 5 abdominal surgeries. It has weighed almost 400 lbs and taken over 100 off and will continue to lose as my health gets back to where it was 18 months ago. It can do yoga. It can manage a garden. It can play on the floor with the grandkids. It can take the dog for a walk. It can smile, sing, dance and kinda run. It can love my family and love myself.

My big personality has shown me that I can be who I want to be. I can be strong, loud, boisterous and help others feel comfortable. I have made people feel comfortable when they are worried they are too much. Cause I am too. It has made friends easily and complemented strangers in the store and made them smile when they had a bad day. It has taken chances when people in my life felt it was a risk. Not all paid off but I ALWAYS learned. My big personality has always shown people WHO I am and even if inside I was worried, I still lived my life with gusto.

My big heart has been broken more times than I like to admit. It has been broken and mended and broken again! BUT it has healed and loved and shown others how amazing it is to be loved by someone like me. It has shown how generosity can lead to happiness and how a big heart can lead to a big life.

My big ideas have brought me to nursing, to coaching, to a farm and to a life that others thought was a risk. My big ideas have taught me to never give up. Just keep doing and working and stop looking for the quick and easy. My big ideas have pushed me to turn dreams into goals. My big ideas have pushed me to be more than most in my life thought I could be, even myself some times. My big ideas will continue to push me to make a bigger life and bigger goals.

So my new mantra for this week and the rest of the year….

Go big or go home. It isnt just for football!